Modeling Mental Health: Caring for You is Caring for Them
- AliChorley
- May 15
- 5 min read
Why this single factor could be the key to our kids' mental well-being.
We tell our young people to talk about their feelings, ask for help, and prioritize their well-being. But are we showing them how?
In a time when youth mental health challenges are rising, it’s easy to focus solely on how to “fix” what young people are experiencing. But a growing body of evidence, including the 2024 U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on Parental Stress, points to something equally vital: the well-being of the adults around them.
Adults - parents, teachers, mentors, caregivers, coaches - are mirrors. And youth are watching.
Why Adult Mental Health Matters for Youth
According to the 2024 Surgeon General’s Advisory on Parental Stress, nearly half (48%) of parents in the U.S. report feeling completely overwhelmed by stress, compared to 26% of non-parents. There are A LOT of factors contributing to this stress - the mental load and emotional labor of parenting, financial strains, time scarcity, children's health and safety concerns, lack of systemic support, technology and comparison culture, and feelings of isolation and loneliness. These stressors can affect our mental health as parents and caregivers, which in turn impacts our children's emotional and mental well-being.
Children learn through observation. They model the emotional habits, coping strategies, and relationship patterns they see in us. When adults are overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally unavailable, it can affect a child’s emotional security and behavior. Conversely, when adults demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms, emotional regulation, and self-care, they provide a model for youth to emulate.
Introducing Positive Adult Experiences (PAEs)
Just as Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) can buffer adversity and promote resilience, Positive Adult Experiences (PAEs) give adults the emotional support, purpose, and connection they need to thrive. These experiences aren’t luxuries—they’re essential for sustained well-being.
Researchers have outlined 15 PAEs, which include:
Talking with at least one family member about feelings in the past 2 weeks
Talking to someone outside of the family about feelings in the past 2 weeks
Feeling that family stands by you during difficult times
Enjoying participation in community events and/or traditions
Feeling a sense of belonging in your community
Feeling supported by friends
Having at least one close and lasting relationship where you can depend on the other person to help make decisions about your life
Feeling safe with those who live in your home
Living in a safe residence and neighborhood
Having good neighbors
Having beliefs that give you comfort
Doing something fun in the past 2 weeks
Engaging in self-care activities in the past 2 weeks, such as reading a book, getting a massage, or going for a run
Having a predictable home routine, like a set time to exercise and a regular bedtime
Being engaged in daily activities that are rewarding and meaningful, such as volunteering in the community, having a job you enjoy, or parenting
When adults experience these kinds of connections, it's not just their mental health that improves - they become healthier role models, caregivers, and community members.
These positive interactions and conditions in adulthood can mitigate the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), decrease the likelihood of experiencing depression or anxiety in adulthood, increase psychological resilience measures, and are linked with a greater likelihood of high life satisfaction and a strong sense of identity & purpose. Just like ACEs and PCEs, the PAEs are dose-responsive, meaning the more of these factors you experience, the bigger impact they will have.
How to Foster More Positive Adult Experiences
Strengthen Emotional Support Systems
Many PAEs involve talking about feelings, feeling supported, and being able to depend on others.
How to foster this:
Regularly check in with friends and family—not just socially, but emotionally.
Be intentional about talking openly about your feelings and encouraging others to do the same.
Seek out or offer peer support groups, therapy, or trusted mentors.
PAEs this supports:
✔ Talking with someone inside or outside the family about feelings
✔ Feeling supported by friends and family
✔ Having dependable close relationships
Engage in Fun and Self-Care Regularly
Joy, self-care, and routines that restore energy are essential to adult well-being.
How to foster this:
Schedule time weekly for something just for fun (not productivity-based).
Practice restorative self-care: reading, walks, music, hobbies, etc.
Reclaim playfulness—do things that make you laugh or feel energized.
PAEs this supports:
✔ Doing something fun in the past 2 weeks
✔ Engaging in self-care activities
✔ Having a predictable home routine
Participate in Community and Cultural Traditions
Community engagement helps foster belonging and meaning.
How to foster this:
Join or attend local events, faith gatherings, or neighborhood activities.
Volunteer or participate in shared traditions (even small ones like book clubs or seasonal events).
Create new rituals with others that feel joyful or grounding.
PAEs this supports:
✔ Enjoying community traditions
✔ Feeling a sense of belonging
✔ Having good neighbors
Create a Safe, Stable Living Environment
Physical and emotional safety are core protective experiences.
How to foster this:
Set clear boundaries and expectations in your home.
Invest in home routines and rituals that promote a sense of calm.
Address relationship conflict early and with care; seek help if needed.
PAEs this supports:
✔ Feeling safe with people in your home
✔ Living in a safe residence and neighborhood
✔ Having predictable routines
Pursue Meaningful Daily Purpose
Engagement in purposeful roles builds adult identity, self-worth, and resilience.
How to foster this:
Reflect on and prioritize work, volunteer, or caregiving roles that are meaningful to you.
Set goals that align with your values.
Celebrate small wins and contributions, both personally and socially.
PAEs this supports:
✔ Being engaged in meaningful daily activities
✔ Having beliefs that give comfort
✔ Feeling respected and seen
Fostering PAEs doesn’t require a total life overhaul—it starts with small, intentional actions that build connection, safety, joy, and meaning over time. Our mental well-being isn’t just something we pass down genetically—it’s something we demonstrate, day by day. By tending to our own needs and seeking out Positive Adult Experiences, we strengthen not just ourselves, but the entire web of relationships that surrounds our children and youth. In other words: taking care of your mental health is one of the most powerful things you can do for the next generation.
Author: Ali Chorley
PubMed. (2023). The Role of Positive Adult Experiences in Mitigating the Impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Mental Health. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37601196/
U.S. Surgeon General. (2024). Parents Under Pressure: The Urgent Need to Address Parental Stress. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Retrieved from https://www.reuters.com/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/us-surgeon-general-calls-parent-stress-public-health-challenge-2024-08-28/
Time Magazine. (2024). The Surgeon General Warns of Growing Parental Stress Crisis. Time. Retrieved from https://time.com/7015322/parent-mental-health-stress-surgeon-general/
